Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Linda Goodman's December 2010 Horsocope Signs

reach unattainable

I had a full evening to convince Joanie to forget her ex Jason and understand that I am the man for her.

I was ready for anything, I had to Joanie, I know that our children will be fine.

The evening was well planned planning:

1 - Romantic Dinner.
2 - Casino.

The first to make him believe that I have a sentimental side, the second to make him believe that I have a side full of cash.

is a perfect combo, Joanie can not resist me.

Anyway ...

lunch, my friend Taillefer has come for a ride home. We had a beer discussing the worse when he asked me was my search for the perfect woman.

I told him about Joanie, I was very close to my wife and do that tonight was going to buy her flowers, take her dinner, leave the casino and then try the embrace.

Taillefer went out laughing, I felt like the kick in the balls.

Nobody laughs Patrick Duval.

- You never pognes a girl that way. The secret is to show him she can not reach you, "he said.

- Huh??

- If you want a girl falls in love with you, you must not show her too much interest, in any case, my theory is my rule. Tonight, instead of trying cruiser Joanie entire evening, tell her you're interested in another woman.

I did not understand his logic.

- What the fucking fuck ?? Your rule is crap. It will ruin my chances of making the future wife of my children in the future!

- On the contrary! Tell him how you'd be with this other woman, affectionate, gentle, tender, loving, caring, nice and all synonyms of the word "love" that you can find. Automatically, it will become jealous, she'll imagine a man like you bad boom! She'll want, she will try to make you forget the other, to show that it is much better. People always want what is unattainable!

I smiled, Taillefer was a genius.

- Yeah, I think you're right, maybe because I too want a woman who keeps me find one.

- Me, I married Jennifer in this way. I took out with her to appear out of reach in the eyes of Edith Boisclair.

I thought about two seconds.

- Ok, but ... Your rule does not work, you're not married Edith Boisclair.

He looked at me like I was a moron.

- Precisely! I'm the exception to my rule!

Decidedly Taillefer was Einstein of feminine seduction. The rule was masterful unattainable.

I bought two tickets for dinner cruises AML .

With a cruise, I put all chances on my side. Girls trippent on such activities, I swear. What girl does not like the movie Titanic ? Huh?

It boosts their libido. In the spirit of Joanie, I was going to turn into Leonardo DiCaprio. With any luck, the boat would hit a pillar of the Jacques Cartier Bridge and falling somewhere between Montreal and Longueuil to allow me to save it.

We arrived at 18:45, the boat took off to 19h ...

A waiter dressed a sailor or a sailor dressed in server, I can not say, gave us a table right next to a window. The place was super romantic, there were even violin players who violated beautiful tunes ...

I ordered wine, we raised our glasses to the party.

- You know ... I must tell you. If I agreed to go out with you at the beginning was to make Jason jealous, but now I do not regret it. I think I'll spend a nice evening, me she said.

Hahaha! I could tell she was using the trick of Taillefer. This girl was crazy about me, telling me about Jason, she wanted to go out of reach. I saw before me a little clever.

I had to act.

- Me too, I must tell you something. If I invited you, it is to have your advice, "I said.

She seemed intrigued.

- Any advice? About what?

I took a look pitifully pitiful ...

- I'm in love ...

Joanie sighed and blushed of embarrassment, it was uncomfortable ...

- Listen, Pat ... I do not know what to tell ya ...

- Do you think she will want to know anything about me?

She hesitated a moment, not sure I understand.

- It?

- Yes, it ... What? You thought that I still have not talked to you! I said, laughing.

Joanie did not know where to look.

- Yes ... Not ... Excuse me, I thought ... Worse let them. Who is the chosen of your heart?

- Crystal.

She goggled eyes in his head ...

- My sister??

- Yes.

- You guts on my sister??

- You can not know. With it, I'd be so loving, kind, tender, loving, attentive, pleasant and all the synonyms of the word "love" that I can find.

She sat back and looked at me for a minute.

- Are you serious? Has she finally asked.

I felt that it bothered her. Taillefer was really right. He had now put the package to show me out of reach.

- I am serious. Together, we could go see galas control WWE at Bell Centre , spend our holidays in Val-d'Or and drinking beer on the balcony. It would be a dream life, I'm all for your sister is the only girl that I want very much.

Joanie has an air of disgust. Probably because she was starting to be jealous.

- Uh ... I do not think that my sister is the right kind of woman for you.

Hahaha! Really, the trick worked Taillefer, there was no doubt that Joanie was trying to depart from his sister out of jealousy. I decided to continue the game

- love overcomes the differences, "I breathed.

- Pat ... You know my sister. She enjoys socializing, it's a princess, she loves the opera, caviar and Porsche. You are incompatible.

- What is caviar??

- That's what I said, you're incompatible.

Suddenly, Joanie made me shit.

- It is not inconsistent simply because I know the definition of a word!

- Caviar is sturgeon eggs.

- What is a sturgeon?

- A fish!

- Crystal eats fish eggs! Disgusting!

- I told you, you're not meant to be together. Forget my sister, she loves careerists.

Fuuuck , Joanie put me more and more crunches.

- I have a career as a server! Am I yelled.

neighboring tables have turned to us, I am a little calmer.

- You do not understand, Pat. My sister is very difficult, she dreams of a handsome prince who takes in Monaco each year.

- I too can take him to Mexico!

The waiter came to take our orders, when he left I was still annoyed.

- In any case, I can not believe you think I am not a man for your sister.

- Anyway, there's another guy who is interested.

WHAT? I was in shock.

- Another guy?? You kidding me??

- Yes and it looks much like it. She admitted that she dreams of sailing with him, have children and share a romantic evening in front of a fireplace.

I was too jealous of this guy, damn lucky, he had hopes of destroying his celibacy.

- I kill him, give me his name!

Joanie started laughing.

- Even if you kill him, it does not mean that Crystal is going out with you. It will perhaps have to assassinate you a lot of guys before she turns to you.

- You piss me off, Jo!

It took an air of desolation sorry ...

- I'm sorry, Pat, but my sister ... She is out of reach.

I ate my dinner without saying a word, thinking about Crystal fucking with him, the desire gnawing inside me and pride destroyed.

Since I was in total silence, my wife ended the evening chatting with the bartender's worst boat fuck the casino, I had no desire to spend my future sister in law. My heart beat for Crystal since now 116 minutes.

( Silence) ...

Anyway, one thing is certain: the theory beyond the reach of Taillefer, it is not worth shit.

I have not felt it had an effect on Joanie.

But I do not care.

Because now I am Crystal.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Nutrametrix Richard Chan

The Birthday Massacre back! LORNA

Yes! It's big comeback THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE , a new album on September 14, Pins and Needles!

In addition, a new music video for a new part of the album in question is also available for a few days, IN THE DARK, directed by Michael Falcore (group) and Rodrigo GudiƱo (Canadian magazine Rue Morgue ). A logical association and for the first time, you feel the atmosphere of the group through the dream world created. A successful collaboration that continues the path that I love this group and follows several years. Check out the video here:

http://www.thebirthdaymassacre.com/InTheDark/

No date for an appearance in Montreal at the moment (a quick visit to their home town, Toronto), but remains hopeful that after the tour of England, there will move to Montreal. Or if not, soon ... Their performances are so magical it's hard to resist.

More good news BLONDE REDHEAD also released a new album the same day, PENNY SPARKLE!

Needless to say, both albums are certainly already pre-ordered from my side. Indulge yourself, you will not regret it ...

And to follow up the previous post: new obstacles have prevented the release of LORNA THE EXORCIST its new schedule. So it will appear the same day as the diary of a Nympho ( SINNER ) or November 23. I was afraid for a moment with the words of Pete Tombs (copy having been martyred by the Italians during its operation), but I remain optimistic. It is clear that this is an admirer of the film that wants to broadcast it because the abandonment would have long highlighted with many distributors ... Congratulations to Mondo Macabro to continue in this madness!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

What To Wear On And Ice Skating Date

all in the technique

I do not know what happens with Joanie .

Since her breakup with Jason , it is not the same. She stops talking, never wants to go out and let the hair grow legs, it's fucking disgusting.

But as I intend to do my Woman tried to attract his attention repeatedly, yet she always seems to be somewhere else, like a lunatic in the moon ...

I know, I know ... I'm not cellar, Joanie has a broken heart. But I have no time to wait, I must ask him to marry before 26 November. My birthday, the limit I set myself to find shoes in my foot.


Amen ...

short, Joanie was sitting alone in the room employees Panini when I entered. I finished my day, I took things into my locker and I was leaving when I said that as women love get attention, it would be a good idea to take the opportunity to chat discussion with her ...

After all, if I want to marry Joanie, it is necessary that I speak a little. A couple's life, it requires some sacrifices.

I sat before her at the table of employees.

- It's Jason who puts you in this state? I asked.

Her eyes suddenly became full of tears. What a crybaby!

I decided to use the technique Forrest Gump . It's a technique I invented to seduce women.

You know, Forrest Gump is naive, friendly and cute, his name makes you laugh, you can not refuse anything to this guy.

The trick is simply to pronounce his name as often as possible in conversation to put his image in the mind of the girl. In this way, unconsciously, the woman who speaks to you you will find more cute and you can not say no when you ask him to leave.

- Listen Joanie, your break with Jason, this is perhaps a sign of destiny. Should not you let yourself down, you're like Forrest Gump ! Run! Course towards freedom and new adventures!

She looked at me even more depressed.

- Getting to compare Forrest Gump, it's not really back morale.

WHAT? Yet it was the ultimate compliment!

That shocked me.

- Forrest Gump is a hero. Forrest Gump saved his unit in Vietnam, he shook hands with John F. Kennedy worse her mother is Sally Field, The Flying Nun! Come on, everybody wants to be compared to Forrest Gump .

- It's a movie, "she replied with a sigh.

- Forrest Gump is based on a true story!

- No.

- Yes!

- No, it's a character.

- J'te says it's true, it's like Rambo and Die Hard , they are true facts and make a movie! Crunches, you can not invent everything, Die Hard is too sick!

I got the impression that Joan looked at me like I was a moron, more or less light ...

- Never mind, "she whispered.

She suddenly fell back to the moon.

That shocked me even more.

- Stop worry do for a Thick as Jason! My mother always told me that life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what ...

- Shut up, Pat!

Really, his lack of respect for Forrest Gump beyond me. I was furious.

- You know what's your problem? You're not quite as Forrest Gump. You lock yourself in your little world in your head everything is gray is made worse than almost love it. All the people you take pity on you for attention, you want everyone to say: "poor Joanie, she's all sad sad." Crunches, build up a shell, look forward not backward, discipline your mind, do you think Forrest Gump could just dropped him??

- I'm just loving, fucking cellar!

- Fuck the pain of love! Move on!

- It's easy to say ...

- Jason has kidnapped your cat to steal money, he not deserve your pain! Look on the bright side as Forrest Gump! It's better that you know that Jason is a crossers today that in twenty years.

- Let me go with Forrest Gump , fucking!

We stayed silent for a moment.

I decided to attack the image of Forrest Gump in Joanie's head was beginning to do its job.

- Tomorrow I'll change. " I'll take you to the casino, I said.

- At the casino?

- Yeah, it'll be cool!

She sighed.

- Not ... I do not want.

She really annoyed me. For fifteen minutes I tried to cheer her up and she would not know.

Bitch!

- Go Joanie, we'll have fun.

- Another time, perhaps ...

- Come on, I'll pay, I have lots of money right now.

- It's not about money.

- Say yes, please ... Say yes!

She looked at me coldly.

- Stop Pat! I said it not tempt me!

But my speech Forrest Gump me pumped, I was ready to run for eternity.

Good ... Maybe not forever but at least until 26 November.

- I pay for dinner too!

She made a huge sigh.

- how do you get rid of you, tabarnak?

- Willingness to spend the night with me tomorrow.

- I said no! As she roared.

I exploded.

- PRAISE! YOU WILL NOT SAY NO TO FORREST GUMP ! You got no HEART, FUCKING??

Jason, the former Joanie, a cook in Panini, entered the staff room at that time, we watched two seconds.

When Joanie was caught, she took a look of disgust after him. Jason said nothing, content to fix the floor.

I shrugged and then I got up to leave the place. Forrest Gump technology was crap.

Then, Joan said, very hard to hear that Jason: "It's okay for tomorrow, Pat, we'll go to dinner and casino. It'll make me change out with a gentleman."

I could not believe it! The technique works!

In addition, she called me a gentleman!

What return status! Joanie surely came to realize that I was the man of her life. Like that. Suddenly. Forrest Gump through !

Wow! And I hope not to end up single, a spark flashed through the heart of Joanie.

Finally, a happy destiny takes shape for me.

( Silence) ...

I just hope I'll stick more often than Forrest Gump.